The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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