Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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