in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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