Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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