I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
