Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
