I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So. Much. Porn.
please don't ironically join a cult
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