Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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