just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
