i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
