I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
