i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
