It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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