I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
