When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
