I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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