I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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