Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
