he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you would pick up someone in the library
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
