Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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