As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize