NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
