A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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