No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize