ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
