I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
