He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i out mim tonsoeep
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize