I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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