can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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