you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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