No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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