Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
