How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
