That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
