is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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