I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
