How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
