I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize