i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize