First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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