dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize