So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
