it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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