Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
