I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
