the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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