woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
