Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
