Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
