I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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