Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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