like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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