i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
