oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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