I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
