Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize