Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
