i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
