I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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