GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
