Got a toothbrush?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
