Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
