if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
