I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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