My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm too high and old for this...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
