Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize