There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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