I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize