i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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