theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
