get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
