Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
