he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize